Just got back from my bkk trip with tash last night. Haven't updated in here for eons, but i think i'll be switching to somewhere else now. It a pretty weird feeling i have right now. At most times i feel alright, its been a great change for me since a month back. I've got new friends, got back to hanging out with my old friends, i'm in a new school, and i've got a new love. Yet at some moments, i feel like i'm on the path of spiraling down again. Today i just recieved a mail from my school's freshman bash. Despite my usual nonchalance, i went for the interview last week actually and i am pretty surprised at myself. But today, i mailed them to tell them about my withdrawal, not because i am that scared of going for this but i simply don't feel like going for this anymore. I know my orientation group is going to kill me for this i told them i'll go for it so they all can support me, BUT i am not hyped up at all and i will end up being a drag. I just can't wait for my next holiday. To Phuket to Krabi, whatever. I need to leave again.
But while i wasn't feeling like this. Charm Gloria and I set up a new clothing blog. junktheyard.livejournal.com Seriously, i miss those two and i can't wait to hang out with them again. 

Support me and my bid to have fun

ow coi don't feel the peace of the Lord at all. I feel no peace at all. No, i am not unhappy or what to a large extent. Not depressed. Some nights i cry, and my eyes hurt from it. Really hurts. My head hurts. I am so restless, my mind is running wild. I want to die.

32 hrs of no sleep. and still counting

Today Charm and I figured out our steps. Or at least, she finally figured ou the beginning which was really irking us on friday when we forgot just after class. And today, i ate a whole bag of starburst for dinner. Sorry for finishing it so fast, its just so me but thanks darling for it. It really really made my day. 

I realised this little blog of mine is full of words and no pictures. Well i spoilt my digital cam months ago and right now i only own a fisheye and yes just so me again. i don't really know how to scan pictures in without my sister's help. I really regret not bringing my fisheye to timbre and cafe del mar over the weekend, cos i'm sure the pictures would turn out great. So if one day tasha sends me our pictures and allows me to post them up her. She says she looks horrible but don't believe her, my babe always looks great.

dead tired. haven't bathed. sticky from the horrible weather and period
still chatting, smsing, planning 
planning wad, my life. why smu haven't gotten back to me
yes ok i need to sleep. Good night

Sometimes its really funny how, i've been craving for certain foods that my taste buds are very accustomed to,( if u hang out n eat with me long enough, you'll know the foods that i really enjoy eating), and i've been craving them since shanghai and that's about a month ago. I have abosutely no appetite despite being in simpang and crystal jade over the weekend. I simply sat there, watched my friends eat happily, and remember how happily i ate in the past. Its a joy to see others eat, it was a joy to see you eat the food i got for u, but maybe you didn't appreciate that kind gesture of leaving my best friend to shop herself just to look at you eat. Sometimes i guess, only time would tell. And time passes so slowly. I smile at the little emails i happen to notice at my hotmail account since i don't check that. I read today, God always answer. If i spend so much time praying on bended knees, will my prayers ever be answered?

they say, 
ignorance is bliss.

i say, 
i rather be chewed up and know the truth. 
becos if u bite me, i'll bite back. 
ten times more, 
and i'll get everyone else to do the same

hello everyone, i want to tell u all a very good news. 
i am a okay alr. !
well yesh obviously i'm not like basking in happiness or what
i know they will definitely be a few little times i may feel a little down
but on the whole at least i don't feel like crying all day long
and i wantttt to thank my dear cheng cheng. 
who bought me the whole selection of choclates on the shelf today
that really made me realise that my girls care for me a lot. 
like tasha, she's been hearing me out all this while
giving me all the encouragement and advice. 
and of cos chris who coaxs me to each night

well there's too much to say, but i wanna go out and see my tasha now, so ciao.

its seems like i'm taking forever to recover. everyday i wake up. and i still hate my life. you know how terrible it is,where on the outside it seems like you have everything,but in reality, you feel like you have nothing. Nothing at all. In life, happiness and health is really the most important, when you don't have either, no matter how much riches, how many millions, will never make up for it. I prided myself for being strong but right now i am weak. I only wish for someone to give me happiness, its the only thing i need now. But all i can do now, is to bear with the pain of living everday and hope that one day God will give me a miracle, that for once i will wake up happy